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Buying presents for parents is hard. Like, trying-to-decide-what-to-watch-on-Netflix hard. Like, 2048-hard. Like, Ryan-Reynolds’-body hard.

(May or may not have spent too much time picking a shirtless Ryan Reynolds picture.)

(May or may not have spent too much time picking a shirtless Ryan Reynolds picture.)

While buying presents for parents is hard, it’s always worth it when you find the perfect gift. Perfect gifts in general always feel like a lightning-bolt to the head, and you just know. After seeing different “childhood photo recreations” on my perpetually repetitive Facebook newsfeed, I couldn’t stop thinking about how hysterical some of my childhood photos are, and how hard my mother would a) laugh, and b) cry… well, I couldn’t resist. My amazing mother retired from CIBC after 38 years, and even though she said no presents, who ever listens to their mother? (Truth: I do. Just not this weekend). She’s the most supportive, generous, kind person and making her cry-laugh through a dozen photos is the least I can do to make her as happy as she’s made me.

I got back to Windsor on Wednesday morning, and spent the next five days scrambling and lying (pooooooorly) to try and get to the different locations, people, and items in the pictures. I’m pretty proud of the result, and can’t wait to recreate the recreations 20 years from now. Love you mama.

Homemade Dixie cups? Check.

Homemade Dixie cups? Check.

Thankfully, we only moved houses once.

Thankfully, we only moved houses once.

Guess whose shirt is actually a pair of tights?

Guess whose shirt is actually a pair of tights?

19 years later (and Jenn looks the same).

19 years later (and Jenn looks the same).

Just wait for the blooper reel.

Just wait for the blooper reel.

Two bite brownies, chocolate sauce, strawberry jam, and green food coloring. Creativity, man.

Two bite brownies, chocolate sauce, strawberry jam, and green food coloring. Creativity, man.

We even found a boat.

We’re on a boat.

Born to ride.

Born to ride.

Half-inflated water wings because no way are those getting past my wrists otherwise.

Half-inflated water wings because no way are those getting past my wrists otherwise. Other than that though, nothing’s really changed.

The MOST coached photo, for sure. "LEFT ARM! OTHER LEFT!"

The MOST coached photo, for sure. “LEFT ARM! OTHER LEFT!”

Propped on a pillow, balanced under a garment rack serving as the backdrop, laying across a chair and a bowflex machine.

Cheeky baby.

One of my favourite pictures ever.

Personal verdict: flawless.

Twenty years later.

Twenty years later. Again, look forward to the blooper reel.

Finalement.

Finalement.

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After a day of first-world torture and #problems, it can be hard to stay a sane, normal person. Here are 20 different ways to handle a bad day. They are most definitely not all recommended. Side effects are likely. We’ll begin with a classic.

1. Drinking! See also: Girls Night Out.

raven margarita

2. Willingly accept rebellion into your life. Take a walk on the wild side.

do not touch

3. Read a book. Or a magazine. Or an article online. For gods sake, read SOMETHING!

jlaw ummmm

4. Angry-break things. Tear shit up. Throw down. Hitting things feels good, and admitting that is the first step of the road to recovery.

angry bang angry table flip

5. Florence.

6. Dance it out.

dance underwear

big booty

BREAK IT DOWN

7. Bitch about it. And not in a classy way. In a way that not even yourself respects. Without justification, without reason, without having to answer to anyone. Sometimes you need a few moments where your words have no one to answer to except the universe.

annoyed like

girls shosh 4

8. Music therapy. Life’s a song, and sometimes it sucks dick.

listen to sad songs

9. Rise above. You are better than this bad day. Flip your hair, strut your stuff, and make tomorrow a real, real good day.

bitch im flawless

hairflip fierce bey

10. Just lose it. (Also: shaking your face like this feels way better than you’d expect it to.)

computer spaz

11. Watch cat videos. Or cat GIFs. Or Anna Kendrick GIFs. Or ideally, Anna Kendrick cat GIFs.

anna kendrick kitty

12. Eat your feelings. ALL of the feelings.

hungry

chocolatemakeseverythingbetter

13. Smile and nod. Smile. And. Nod.

smile and nod

14. JUST CLOSE YOUR EYES, BREATHE, AND THINK OF FIGHT CLUB.

fight club quote

15. Exercise. It’s gooood for you.

fwb on bed

16. Full-screen the GIF below. Maybe make it your background. Laptop, phone, everything. I suggest adding a sound loop, but that’s just me.

complimentchan

17. JGL.

18. Do something about it. If every day is a bad day, something’s off.

greeys

19. Admit the truth and accept it as a part of you.

i am not a successful adult

who cares im awesome

Definitely go with Kat Dennings on this one. On most ones, actually.

Follow me on Twitter @sydney_neilson.

At first you’re like,

girls night

But then you remember,

shots

So you round up the friends that made the cut,

adventure

And you get ready. It takes ages, not because you’re indecisive, but because you have SO many clothes, and they all suck.

nothing to wear

By the time everyone shows up, your outfit frustrations have been downed by the pre-drink, and IT’S GO TIME.

body is ready

moderation

supposed to bring

Upon arrival at the bar,

STAY ALIVE

As an all-girl troupe, you bitches stick together. Work together to fend off unwanted attention,

battling guys

And celebrate with colorful shots. Or tequila.

shots drinking

Class will be demonstrated (as usual),

jason segel

And ultimately, five topics will be discussed.

more wine

1) Work,

Where you can freely rant about The Work Bitch without the elephant/manager in the room. You are your own unreliable narrator, recounting your combative exploits to the world, without anyone really noticing any plot holes or exaggerations on your part. All the girls have to do is agree, pitch in some betchy sidebars, and wait your turn. Unless of course, this is a work girls night, in which case ALL cards are on the table, right next to the double shot glasses . Tread carefully.

drink everytime bitch

 

2) Men,

Girls talk about guys and sex JUST AS MUCH as guys talk about girls and sex. It’s just different.

BLAH BLAH BLAH

3) Bitches, girly shit, and self-acknowledgement.

Girls talk about girly shit. Honestly, there’s a lot of shit to cover. Stereotypically bitching about hair, makeup, periods, men, bitches, skin, shoes, clothes, shaving, and any of the other thirty thousand things that fall under the kind-of-misogynistic-but-relatively-justified topics of girly conversation. Realistically though, if a man had to hook a cage onto his chest every morning, squeeze and squish into the crap we wear on a daily basis (all the OPTIONS), and deal with monthly cramps and bleeding and baby scares, I’M SURE HE WOULD BITCH A BIT TOO BECAUSE IT’S A PRETTY DECENT SIZED ASPECT OF LIFE AS A GIRL SO QUIT JUDGING AND TAKE A DRINK.

raven margarita good

 

Plus, acknowledging your decent into stereotypical GIRLSNIGHT! just makes it that much more beautiful. “Guys, we’re totally like a less-awkward Girls, only with like three Jessas and a Shosh. And like, a little bit classier.” I’d watch that.

4) Sex,

You know that one friend that’s like, really, really open about talking graphically and specifically about her sexcapades? She may get the ball rolling, but at girls night, it’s the surprise shares from your shier friends that make the memories. Those off-hand comments shouted juuuuust a little too loudly across the bar will make you closer than you ever expected. No judging!

vagina depressed

5) Food.

Have you ever listened to drunk girls talk about food?

think of your butteating gifAll it takes is an order of mozzarella sticks to turn a group of martini-ed ladies into a horde of ravenous vultures. Suck it up and order something, you’re drinking most of your calories anyway.

BUT FOODWe’ll be brutally honest,

emotionally slutty

And we are free to bitch and moan about #girlproblems without #brotips.

ribbons are hard

There might be dancing,

BREAK IT DOWN

And friendly banter,

drink it force

And the next morning, as usual…

morning survived

 

More girly guilty pleasures? Click here.

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1) Justin Timberlake.

I will watch any Timberlake interview ever. But 5 tequila shots in 10 minutes, coarse language, and destruction of an indoor mini golf course with the incredible British TV host Jonathan Ross is almost too much greatness for one segment. Plus, watching these two get drunk together is adorable. You can practically taste the tequila.

#LEGENDSOFSUMMER2013

2) Matt Damon.

My gift to you: a compilation of his impersonations of Matthew McConaughey all in one place below.

3) Kristin Chenoweth.

Kristin Chenoweth is absolutely bad-shit off her rocker. Seriously. Something must have happened to give such a tiny girl such a massive voice that affected her brain chemistry, because she is seriously insane. Next to that insanity, however, she’s absolutely precious, totally genuine, and seriously hysterical. Her size alone makes you want to keep her in your pocket, but listening to her spiel on fast-food chains with Conan is just great. She loses her mic, hikes up her dress, and Conan is surprisingly entertaining as well (coming from the Queen of the Conan-haters).

“If we had a child, it would be normal-sized.”

And backstage in her dressing room before Ellen’s cameo in Promises, Promises, Chenoweth gets even weirder than usual. Just… Ellen’s face.

4) Michael Caine.

Michael Caine does Michael Caine. Self-explanatory. Awesomeness assumed.

5) Mila Kunis.

I love Mila Kunis. She’s totally honest and candid, the staples of a loveable celebrity interviewee. This interview (if you haven’t seen it already), “the best interview I’ve had today,” according to Kunis, was on BBC Radio 1, with the adorably awkward and digressive Chris Stark. She can pour a pint without foam, she knows what she’s doing, and she’s just a boss. The interview is basically just a conversation between Stark and Kunis, but listening to them banter is  “We have to talk about the movie? Let me just give you answers to what I know you’re gonna ask.”

6) Anna Kendrick.

Anna Kendrick is insanely talented (demonstrated in her limited-but-still-adorable dancing in Pitch Perfect, her singing talents, and she’s been a rising starlet in the acting game since she broke away from Twilight with 2009’s George Clooney vehicle Up in the Air. She’s been nominated for an Oscar, a Tony,  Her pint-sized stature paired with explosive personality makes her a favourite of mine, and you’ll start to notice her soon too. Her upcoming film Get a Job stars Bryan Cranston and McLovin, as well as Community belle Allison Brie.

On recording the rap for Pitch Perfect in-studio: “I had to put myself in this zone, where I was standing like a guy, and like, I was imagining that I had a penis, in a hot tub surrounded by like, bitches…”

On her dirty-love of Taco Bell: “It’s like a reverse-Gremlins thing, it’s like, just so filthy, that I can’t do it without the cover of darkness…”

7) Eminem.

He’s the perfect balance of scary and sexy. He’s funny as hell when he wants to be, and he’s a super entertaining guy, but he’s so secluded and sobering that it’s refreshing to remember that he’s hilarious as well. Jonathan Ross talks comic books, nailing Sarah Palin, Em’s singing, and “dissing” people in (his new single at the time) “We Made You.” “It’s kind of like picking names out of a hat, and if your name rhymes with something good…” Plus, every interview with Jonathan Ross is fantastic. He’s flawless.

8) Dustin Hoffman

Life is just better after watching this video. I dare you not to smile.

9) Jennifer Lawrence.

I honestly don’t know if there are many Jennifer Lawrence videos I haven’t seen. From her pre-Hunger Games press tours to the Oscar/Silver Linings buzz, her interviews have been constant, as well as consistently entertaining. Discussing everything from powerful dragon phlegm to anal leakage, the Internet’s favourite Oscar winner corrected and shot down Letterman at every opportunity in one of JLaw’s funniest interviews. It practically defines why everyone loves her so much: she’s candid, she makes mistakes (Obama!), and she’s got balls. AND it explains “I beat Meryl,” for those of you that haven’t seen TFWC.

Bonus: this video will never not be the best.

I can’t imagine this situation being any more entertaining and incredible. Humanity at its best.

Bonus: Kevin Spacey’s Inside the Actors Studio impersonations.

Beeautiful. His Al Pacino is spot-on, and I’m just a sucker for a good Christopher Walken impression.