1. The friends you gained and lost within high school.
If you were friends in ninth grade, done by tenth grade, enemies by eleventh, and over it and each other by prom, you probably don’t need each other in your third year of university. Granted, some people are good contacts to keep, but if you can’t think of a justifiable reason and you haven’t spoken SINCE high school, you might as well get rid of them before they become little more than a scroll-by “Who…?” on your newsfeed. Deletes and unfollows don’t have to be malicious or mean, or even personal (though they can be. Try and avoid that.).
2. That friend who only brings you down.
Negativity, especially when given access to Twitter and other broadcastable forms of being social, is just no good. You know the ones, they post the dramatic, sad song lyrics, the uncomfortable over-shares, and the really pathetic “omg life cant b wurse right now” updates that nobody takes seriously. Unfollow exists for a reason, just keep your fingers crossed that you don’t have to deal with weird emotional social activity from actual friends: that can get awks.
3. PARODY ACCOUNTS.
STOP IT. LOOK FOR THE GODDAMN CHECKMARK. You KNOW that isn’t Wiz Khalifa. This is 2013, people. Learn how to use Twitter.
4. Everyone you accumulated over the course of high school that you haven’t actually ever spoken to since.
Seriously. The girl who had the locker next to you in ninth grade, the friend-of-a-friend from the volleyball team, that guy you bought off of that one time at that party? Facebook is a social network for friends, not an accumulation of everyone you’ve ever known. Try not to invest yourself in the social lives of strangers and unnecessary acquaintances, it’ll only clog up your digital pores with unnecessary shit you don’t need. It’s like really, actually caring about the lives of celebrities that don’t care about you. You can control who’s on your Facebook; you can’t control who’s on the cover of magazines.
5. Friends exes.
If you weren’t friends with them, then why…? Don’t go there.
6. The friend on her eighteenth chance.
If she KEEPS borrowing money whilst barely making rent and going out every weekend, KEEPS getting too wasted and losing your shoes, KEEPS expecting everything with no expectation of giving anything in return, KEEPS “borrowing” but never returning everything ever, KEEPS accidentally sexting you instead of her fifteen FWBs, and this has KEPT happening since you graduated; it’s time to purge. This also applies to anyone over the legal drinking age that still hasn’t learned their limits, friends that use you as a hotel, and anyone who doesn’t care about their credit. It’s time to grow up, and shed that shit.
7. Anyone you constantly hate-read.
Facebook photos you look at and loathe, tweets you huff past, instagram photos that make you scroll faster, this is not what these networks are for. Find people who you enjoy, who don’t irritate you, and who know how to properly use a social network (“OMG I HAVE THE BEST BF EVA” does NOT cut it in a world where I can conveniently unfriend you without even leaving my newsfeed). Fill your news feed with positivity. There are only so many things you can pay attention to before you need to differentiate what’s actually important and what can be simply removed.
8. Anyone you constantly hate for no reason (slightly different than the people you simply hate-read).
Girls, stop hating on pretty girls. Boys, stop it too, if that’s a thing. But seriously, girls, stop it. This endless cycle of pointless hate is absurd and unproductive. Hating someone because of unjustified jealousy accomplishes nothing, and whether it’s their movie-star good looks since birth, their fabulous apartment, or their job-that-never-seems-to-stop-promoting… hate-jealousy is poison, and you need to detox that shit.
9. Anyone you slept with and never spoke to again.
Unless you’re planning on pursing another round (which, if you haven’t spoken in years – you’re not), get rid of it. Especially if it wasn’t that great of a connection in the first place (which, if you haven’t attempted contact in years – it wasn’t). It’s like keeping leftovers you KNOW you aren’t going to eat. It’s like buying a movie because you heard it was good but it actually wasn’t that good and it definitely wasn’t your thing, and keeping it on the top shelf just wasting space. It’s like favouriting website bookmarks you don’t use, shoes you’ve never worn, that dress that fits okay but you never wear it out cause you don’t really like it THAT much and …okay, I should really stop before I offend someone. 3, 2, 1, CLEANSE!