9 Reasons Nobody REALLY Likes Taylor Swift

1. You know most of the words to “Trouble” (and half of her songs, even though you REALLY DON’T LISTEN TO THEM, I SWEAR!).

…and it’s not just because of the video my Facebook can’t get enough of:

Also, try this one on for size:

2. She tried to pull a feminism on Tiny Fey and Amy Poehler, the Queens of the Universe.

You just don’t do that, especially not when the Internet is already at your throat for 29850434 other “reasons.” But this is an actual reason. She rains on the Liz Lemon parade, and under an umbrella of Katie Couric and feminism, quoted Couric quoting someone else, saying “there’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women,” referring to Fey & Poehler’s crack at her during their (hilarious) stint hosting the Golden Globes. The best part is how much Swift didn’t get it, and how much nobody cared. Read the full story on E! here.

tfey

3. She actually had one of the One Direction boys.

Go ahead, hate on the music, hate on the branding, but the boys from One Direction are cute as really, really, really cute buttons. They’re little stylized, idealized Brits that America can’t get enough of, and dating one is just about as life-threatening as falling at a 1D concert. Seriously, no good comes of being the significant other of in-demand man-boys like Harry Styles and Bieber. Except that you can say you went there. She’s recently been alleged to have spent the night at Ed Sheeran’s… which I feel like is just a weirdly related Brit that I don’t want to deal with just yet. But seriously girl, you didn’t get enough death threats and crazy flak from the Directioners? Pick a less high-profile guy, and STOP TALKING ABOUT EVERYTHING.

Tswift

Sidenote: Anyone who hates Swifty because she’s a “slut:” oh, get over it. You wouldn’t bang John Mayer, Jake Gyllenhaal, a Jonas brother in 2008, Conor Kennedy or Taylor Lautner? Just because she doesn’t handle it well doesn’t make her a slut.

swift

But holy shit, their kids would have some seriously incredible hair.

4. You can only watch her win something so many times before it becomes justification for homicide.

She’s been nominated 185 times, and won 150 times. That’s 150 speeches, a whole lot of which were televised. Her Grammys come from “White Horse,” “Mean,” and “Safe and Sound.” Granted, she writes most of her stuff, so the awards are (sometimes) justified, but when they’re fan-voted, it’s pretty much time to go microwave some popcorn or take a pee break. But I could watch her win that 2009 VMA until the end of time. Mostly because I LOVE imagining the explosion in the control room trying to figure out what the fuck to do.

Watch from 1:18. (Rough quality, but the only link that actually shows the whole thing:)

twsiftwin

5. She’s beautiful.

twsift

And in an interesting, cool way that you don’t really understand. And she’s got those Asian-y eyes you can’t decide whether to envy or despise. And she’s blonde and all cheekbones and smile and ah, fuck it.

Taylor Swift

twsift4

twsitf

6. She’s too easy.

To make fun of.

Taylor+Swift

7. She’s only 23 and she’s way more rich, famous, and fabulous than most of us will ever be, at 22 or any other time in your life.

We shouldn’t hate her for this, but we do. So girls, stop hating on other girls for no reason. The other nine reasons on this list are still okay, though, so you’re good here. Even when she screws up, she comes out on top. She buys a house next to the Kennedy she was dating, they break up, and she makes a literal million dollar profit on the house-flip. Because she needs a million MORE dollars.

swift2

8. The ending of “22.”

An awesome, fun, shallow-but-so-catchy-and-dancey-that-we-can-ignore-the-lack-of-substance-until-the-end-of-the-song song, “22” is the sixth song off of her newest album, and proves that a quality Swift song is hard to find. I have entirely conditional love for this song: skip the first few lines (especially avoiding her pronunciation of “hipsters”), and the last bit, anything involving the line “You look like bad news, I gotta have you,” and the song’s not bad. Okay, it’s still kind of bad, but it’s fun as hell.

9. She LIVES in high school.

Whether she actually attended high school or not (she did two years in school and one year on tour to earn her diploma) is irrelevant. She uses her PR team to avoid touchy subjects with the press, and recently refused to discuss Harry Styles with Vanity Fair, but “authorized someone to discuss” it with them. Oh, T-Swift. She just makes it harder for herself. #sigh

tina-fey-amy-poehler

Advertisements
2 comments
  1. It embarrasses me how long I spent on this post just listening to 22. Whoops.

    • It embarasses me how much I still love this song and dgaf.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: