1. That really fucking awesome thing that happened six months ago that I’ve had to relive every time we get together because you haven’t managed to get out of the house since then. Do something, or at least stop making me constantly listen to a story I was part of.
2. How “horrible” your parents were/are, when they’re beautiful, awesome people who funded your education and taught you how to pour beer properly. Say thanks.
3. Television shows you KNOW I haven’t watched yet. WE HAVE HAD THIS CONVERSATION FORTY TIMES. I’M STUCK AT SEASON FOUR AND IF YOU RUIN BrBa FOR ME SO HELP ME GOD.
4. The bags under their eyes. I’m definitely guilty of this one, but damn, we’ve all got ’em. Get over it.
5. Intense explanations of video games. If I didn’t ask, I don’t want to know.
6. How great their free laundry is. Shut it, bitch.
7. Discussing people’s number of sexual partners like it defines them. Please get over it. Some people meet The One right away, some of us have to work a little harder. Don’t judge. #slutpride
8. How “over” Facebook you are. Honestly, you’re probably not going to actually stop using it, so just stop.
9. Really, really detailed stories from your past. Especially if you’re trying to give me the names of every student in your high school. Especially if we went to drastically different high schools. Or similar high schools.
10. Any diehard opinion you have that I will have no impact or difference upon. If you’re not hearing, I’m not listening.
11. Financials. Whether you’re more broke than me, rolling in it, or breaking even, I don’t need to know the in-depth results of your latest credit check. And seriously, don’t complain about being broke if you’re gonna spend money while you’re at it.
12. Gangnam Style.
13. How much winter sucks. I hate it. SO much. But I’m starting to only hate it because of the constant flow of negativity. Snow can be pretty too!
14. Their level of activity. This is entirely up to you, so JUST GET UP. If you’re complaining about weight/health/etc, chances are, there’s something you can do about it.
15. Their pets. Sorry, but I like, really, really don’t care. Especially if it’s a shockingly low-resolution photo on your iPhone. How do you even get shitty pictures on an iPhone anymore?